Thoughts On Friendship

Dear God,

I told you yesterday that my friend moved to the flat below us just yesterday because she wasn't being treated right by her husband.  I was amazed at how you have mobilised all of her friends to work together and aid her in her time of need.  She moved into the flat with her 5-year old daughter without anything but a few bits of clothes in a bag.  She only had enough money to pay for the required deposit and advance rental payment, after that she has no idea how she will survive.  She didn't have any money left and her next salary won't come until next week.  But she is a Christian and her faith in you is also great and I know you know this because she didn't even have to ask and her friends came over with groceries and filled her refrigerator and kitchen with food, food and lots of food!  So much that she had to give us some of it!  All of her friends rallied together in order to recover all of her personal stuff from her husband's house and taxi them over to this new flat.  Now she is starting a new life without much worry because she has the support she needs around her.

This friend of mine though is a new friend and although we are very close already, I still feel like I do not belong to this group that she is in.  I do support her in my own way and as much as I can and I am also confident that her friends from long ago will always be there to support her.  This makes me think of my old friends too, Lord.  The ones living quite far away whom I have not been very honest to about our situation.  I ask myself, if I had told them about the disaster that's befallen us, will they also rally behind to help me?  Would they consider me worth their trouble? 

When we were in a good position to help I was always the "helpful" one.  I always make sure my friends have what they need without expecting any payment.  I give very freely to them.  I can't help but wonder, would they do the same for me if I was the one needing help?

Lord, the thought scares me because, to be honest, I do not know the answer... I am scared of the answer.  What if the people, whom I have been loving for years and treated nothing less than a family, would turn their back on me if they had known I am not the same person they knew me as, that I am now poor, very poor? 

Why do I not belong to this group of friends that my neighbor friend here belong to?  Will they ever accept me in the same way that they've accepted my friend?  Or am I just whining again???????????  Maybe I am.  I cannot help though but miss my old friends from way back. 

Lord grant me some peace, remove and doubts in my mind and reassure me that it is ultimately your love that is most important.  Thank you for continously giving us provisions even in the midst of this really big trial.

I love you, Jesus

-Sarah