Thursday, 28 October 2010

Thoughts On Friendship

Dear God,

I told you yesterday that my friend moved to the flat below us just yesterday because she wasn't being treated right by her husband.  I was amazed at how you have mobilised all of her friends to work together and aid her in her time of need.  She moved into the flat with her 5-year old daughter without anything but a few bits of clothes in a bag.  She only had enough money to pay for the required deposit and advance rental payment, after that she has no idea how she will survive.  She didn't have any money left and her next salary won't come until next week.  But she is a Christian and her faith in you is also great and I know you know this because she didn't even have to ask and her friends came over with groceries and filled her refrigerator and kitchen with food, food and lots of food!  So much that she had to give us some of it!  All of her friends rallied together in order to recover all of her personal stuff from her husband's house and taxi them over to this new flat.  Now she is starting a new life without much worry because she has the support she needs around her.

This friend of mine though is a new friend and although we are very close already, I still feel like I do not belong to this group that she is in.  I do support her in my own way and as much as I can and I am also confident that her friends from long ago will always be there to support her.  This makes me think of my old friends too, Lord.  The ones living quite far away whom I have not been very honest to about our situation.  I ask myself, if I had told them about the disaster that's befallen us, will they also rally behind to help me?  Would they consider me worth their trouble? 

When we were in a good position to help I was always the "helpful" one.  I always make sure my friends have what they need without expecting any payment.  I give very freely to them.  I can't help but wonder, would they do the same for me if I was the one needing help?

Lord, the thought scares me because, to be honest, I do not know the answer... I am scared of the answer.  What if the people, whom I have been loving for years and treated nothing less than a family, would turn their back on me if they had known I am not the same person they knew me as, that I am now poor, very poor? 

Why do I not belong to this group of friends that my neighbor friend here belong to?  Will they ever accept me in the same way that they've accepted my friend?  Or am I just whining again???????????  Maybe I am.  I cannot help though but miss my old friends from way back. 

Lord grant me some peace, remove and doubts in my mind and reassure me that it is ultimately your love that is most important.  Thank you for continously giving us provisions even in the midst of this really big trial.

I love you, Jesus


Wednesday, 27 October 2010

Manifestation Of Your Promise

Dear God,

Today has been wonderfully touching.  I have prayed and written to you yesterday that our cupboard was bare except for a can of tuna and a pack of instant noodles.  I am astounded by the way you remedied our situation, how you touched people in order to help us.  Oh Lord, you are truly wondrous!

My husband and I decided to take a walk and see if we can volunteer on the charity that the church is running for the less fortunate.  Because we were too ashamed to admit that we were one ourselves, we thought we would keep our dilemma to ourselves and just wait for you to work your wonders.  We have great faith that you will not fail us.  So despite the changing weather (rain and shine) and the distance we had to walk, we decided we will see if we can volunteer.  Yes we had to walk because we didn’t have a cent to get on the bus.  How wonderful was it when the charity coordinator told us when we got there that some of the food in the stock room needs to be consumed soon because the expiry date in the cans are fast approaching and the charity is not legally allowed to distribute the same, she asked us if we would like to take some and maybe give some to our friends?  How wonderful are you, my God?  You didn't even make us suffer telling our story, something that we were so scared of telling.  You were sensitive as to understand how we feel.  The lady even told us if we cannot carry all of the available food we can come back and collect the rest tomorrow! 

Now we have food in our cupboard (rice, noodles, soups, pasta sauce, coffee and so much more!) and do not have to worry about it for a few days at least.  I know you have something in store for us when this food runs out and the bills get in and but we will remain steadfast in our faith in you.

I know, this isn't the solution to the big problem we have of losing our houses soon but we have, time and time again, seen how you provide for us and we are grateful!

Today, a friend has decided to move out of her house and leave her abusive husband.  I find myself recommending the flat below us and because they didn't have any money either, having run away from home with nothing, we had to share the food we received today with them and it became a lot more meaningful to share what you gave us to people who are also like us and we marvel on your goodness.  You provided for us and also encouraged us that we are not the only ones going through trials.  That no matter how hard it gets, there will always be you to help us, as you have promised.

I would like to ask you to keep an eye on my friend too Lord.  She is young and scared that her husband will take their daughter away, that they won't able to sustain living on their own.  Keep them safe at all times Lord, pls?

I end this letter by saying thank you very much for your provision today and fervently prays for your help on our bigger problems.

With all my love,



Tuesday, 26 October 2010

I Feel Desperate, Oh Lord!

Dear God,

Let me tell you about my thoughts, the fear that plagues my head and heart each and everyday.  Listen to me, oh Lord!  I need to feel you're with me.  I know you are my only refuge and the only one who understands how I feel.  There are times that I feel all alone, like my world is closing down on me and you are nowhere around.  Where are you in these times Lord?

Why do bad things happen to good people Lord?  I have always been good in my life.  I have not wronged anyone so badly as to merit punishment.  But why am I suffering Lord?  I need some answers.

I know I have to be thankful of the good life you've given me since birth, the supportive family I have and a husband that treats me like a queen.  You've been there when a dear family member went through several bouts of life-threatening illnesses.  You saved one from cancer and kept my family whole.  I am most grateful for that.  I wasn't a Christian then but when I look back I see that you do not discriminate to help even unsaved people like I was before.  Thank you Lord.

But my dear God, why are we going through another trial again?  Have we done something wrong to offend you?  For the last 2 years my husband and I have been struggling.  You seem to have confiscated the comfort that we have around us.  If before, you have given us 2 houses, money and big career, why is it that now both houses are under repossession?  Why do we have to go through this recession and lose all of our money and my husband's job?  We tried very hard to find work and remedy the situation but you know it's very difficult.  I would very much want to help but I have an insurmountable mountain infront of me.   

I cannot even tell any of my friends and relatives about what we're going through for fear that they will judge us harshly and turn their backs on us.  I am afraid to get more hurt Lord by seeing the people I've come to know and love for years turn away from us because of the disgrace our disaster has brought us.  I don't know how to take rejection Lord.

Our church pastor says there is a reason why these things are happening, that maybe you are preparing us for a lot greater things, and we believe that Lord.  We have been waiting for a breakthrough, for something to indicate that you haven't forgotten us, that you are still hearing our prayers but until now there's nothing.  Our situation has gone from bad to worse.

As I am writing this, our cupboard is almost empty except for a can of tuna and a pack of instant noodles.  We have given our last coins in church last sunday as offering and we haven't got anything left.  I feel that we are stripped naked of everything Lord, we're losing our houses, we haven't got any money nor food left and the government refuses to help us.  I do not know what I should do now.  For a baby Christian like me this is very very hard, very scary.  Please give me strength to withstand this Lord.

Let me feel your hand, give us hope that all is not lost yet.  That you will still give us back what we have lost, hope that the house will not be taken by the banks, hope that we will find an income and sustain living decently.   Despite all of these trials, our faith has become a lot stronger, especially my husband's.  As you can see, Lord, he will go through lengths, travelling, walking a long way even without anything in his pocket just to attend healing prayers and volunteer, all for Your glory.

I have suffered so much in the past couple of years.  I am yet to be healed of my depression which I am battling with, Lord.  In my lowest point, I sometimes pray (and I know you've heard) for you to take me with you while I sleep so I can escape all of this.  But obviously that is not what you have designed for me.

What is your design for me, Lord?  Please show me your plans.  I have waited long enough and agonised in this ordeal.  Please listen to me.  I need some answers. 

Your child,