I Feel Desperate, Oh Lord!

Dear God,

Let me tell you about my thoughts, the fear that plagues my head and heart each and everyday.  Listen to me, oh Lord!  I need to feel you're with me.  I know you are my only refuge and the only one who understands how I feel.  There are times that I feel all alone, like my world is closing down on me and you are nowhere around.  Where are you in these times Lord?

Why do bad things happen to good people Lord?  I have always been good in my life.  I have not wronged anyone so badly as to merit punishment.  But why am I suffering Lord?  I need some answers.

I know I have to be thankful of the good life you've given me since birth, the supportive family I have and a husband that treats me like a queen.  You've been there when a dear family member went through several bouts of life-threatening illnesses.  You saved one from cancer and kept my family whole.  I am most grateful for that.  I wasn't a Christian then but when I look back I see that you do not discriminate to help even unsaved people like I was before.  Thank you Lord.

But my dear God, why are we going through another trial again?  Have we done something wrong to offend you?  For the last 2 years my husband and I have been struggling.  You seem to have confiscated the comfort that we have around us.  If before, you have given us 2 houses, money and big career, why is it that now both houses are under repossession?  Why do we have to go through this recession and lose all of our money and my husband's job?  We tried very hard to find work and remedy the situation but you know it's very difficult.  I would very much want to help but I have an insurmountable mountain infront of me.   

I cannot even tell any of my friends and relatives about what we're going through for fear that they will judge us harshly and turn their backs on us.  I am afraid to get more hurt Lord by seeing the people I've come to know and love for years turn away from us because of the disgrace our disaster has brought us.  I don't know how to take rejection Lord.

Our church pastor says there is a reason why these things are happening, that maybe you are preparing us for a lot greater things, and we believe that Lord.  We have been waiting for a breakthrough, for something to indicate that you haven't forgotten us, that you are still hearing our prayers but until now there's nothing.  Our situation has gone from bad to worse.

As I am writing this, our cupboard is almost empty except for a can of tuna and a pack of instant noodles.  We have given our last coins in church last sunday as offering and we haven't got anything left.  I feel that we are stripped naked of everything Lord, we're losing our houses, we haven't got any money nor food left and the government refuses to help us.  I do not know what I should do now.  For a baby Christian like me this is very very hard, very scary.  Please give me strength to withstand this Lord.

Let me feel your hand, give us hope that all is not lost yet.  That you will still give us back what we have lost, hope that the house will not be taken by the banks, hope that we will find an income and sustain living decently.   Despite all of these trials, our faith has become a lot stronger, especially my husband's.  As you can see, Lord, he will go through lengths, travelling, walking a long way even without anything in his pocket just to attend healing prayers and volunteer, all for Your glory.

I have suffered so much in the past couple of years.  I am yet to be healed of my depression which I am battling with, Lord.  In my lowest point, I sometimes pray (and I know you've heard) for you to take me with you while I sleep so I can escape all of this.  But obviously that is not what you have designed for me.

What is your design for me, Lord?  Please show me your plans.  I have waited long enough and agonised in this ordeal.  Please listen to me.  I need some answers. 


Your child,



Sarah